How do you really feel about what you are doing right now at this exact moment?
My mind has been in a zone, in and out, to set myself up for success. My ambitious seed inside of me is starting to grow. It's wanting to wrap around anything that's not being used and place it with purpose. This morning, I decided I want to set the foundation of my room to be a place of inspiration, always moving me to want to do/think things. I'm figuring out how I want to organize my belongings so I have a balance of mess and clarity. The idea of fall semester is continuously maximizing and it makes me want to over-prepare. I'm forming a mental path on how I can approach my physical world dream and short term goals. I go to sleep early in order to wake up early, and read a fair amount daily to get in the habit for my textbooks which have already been ordered. Two days ago I started The Alchemist and I have a yearning to finish today. I realized I was wanting to read a book with a story rather than snib bits of philosophy books. My mind needed the flow. This soul of mine has been feeding off of discoveries, good energy that's being carried over from Italy, and free spirited subtleness. The negative/doubtful/hesitant vibe that I felt strongly throughout the spring and beginning of summer is finding its silence and now everything beautiful I've ever experienced is finding its way within my days. I'm finding such a variety of things I can do and places to go when I need to quiet my mind.
31.7.10
27.7.10
My March
My eagerness to be outside wrapped me up while I finished another session of listening to recordings. I kept referring to the only window that my back was lucky enough to admire while my eyes glaze over at the computer screen or my pencil drawing. I reached my numbers for the day and hoped for a walk back to my car full of kisses from the sky. As reliable as can be, it was sprinkling when I entered the outside world. My legs were walking utterly content, but my ears felt an eery quietness. The clouds grayed out the scenery and I couldn't resist but to pick another youthful flower from the campus. It spins among my fingers as I gaze lovingly at its being and I place it behind my ear. I smile as I can feel every drop attach to me like a magnet, supplying my soul with twirls. I give the sky a look as it was looking down at me, and swung my water bottle as if it were a hand I was joyously holding. My feet balanced on cement curbs and hopped when I transitioned from the street to the sidewalk. I found the perfect stick to act as a staff as I conduct my march. A melody developed as it was hummed and an imaginary crowd of followers weren't far behind. My track stops again when a branch of interesting pods lay beside where my steps were, so picked them up I did. Then my sight goes straight ahead where a driver is sitting. I stall a second to wait for him to carry on with what direction he decides to go but he stays idle. I proceed for I have to cross his street which is perpendicular to mine. He opens his door almost insecurely asking if I need a ride and the only way my mind could think of responding was to blatantly say shortly..'No.' For a walk in a light rain is the idealized journey for me. And for this here stranger I do not know and sadly cannot trust within him to be a kind citizen. I just endured an entire semester's worth of firmly declining such approaches and making it my duty to walk with such purpose. For you kind citizen, I stopped in my path trying to cross the street before I could reach you but trees blocked my view to the left and a pile of monstrous ants to my mid-left. So I carry on in your direction quickly and make sure you are on your way once our air is filtered through each others, for I must continue this march that has become of my worth. I have my humdrum melody, my stick to conduct, my branch for enthusiasm, and my water bottle as a warm hand of encouragement. The only thing missing was my initiating flower who listened closely by my ear, but I suspect it had better obligations to fulfill. Now I continue to my dependable friend as more of my upper body flails left and right to my humdrum. I am king.
26.7.10
Just felt like ranting/creating a story
I know, I talk too much about my life I feel narcissistic. But what is one to do when they want to take on too much? When now, Time is the known enemy, the guy we'd all love to hate. But sincerely Time, I do love you. You just haven't gotten to know All At The Same Time at a level you both would appreciate.
Where does Passion collide with Something to Prove, or Ego or Overachiever or Needy Pants. Where is Happiness found in Pain, Silence in Chaos, Content with Want. How are you suppose to know your limit. How will you know what awaits you in the future. How can you sit still in anticipation. You there, you can't even stare at a point. The mind is finally experiencing the stepping stones in the pond. The only thing the main character doesn't know is that this pond is a lake and the only thing the author doesn't know yet is that this lake could be an ocean. But silly me, that's thinking too far in the future, bring back your mind here kind Sir. Your pure feet are so close to touching the water I'm yelling at the screen. We don't want you to stop and to scurry away, we want you to take risks. To reach your highest potential, to give your gift to the world that welcomed you in it. What a silly thing to go back where you came from, what ever safe place that might have been. The water is calling your name and you don't care how it knows you. You just have this daze on those eyes that were always hazy anyways. The only difference is that inside your body somewhere, you tell us of this fire. One that wants to become enriched, this soul that wants to feel more than alive, and breath in love so much you won't have anything else to exhale but love in return. Now I've painted a feeling engrained in your brain, a vision of water as vast as can be, a joy you won't stop until it's in your bones that you know what your aim is for. We've set the bar, we've whispered these instincts, all you have to do is follow yourself.
Where does Passion collide with Something to Prove, or Ego or Overachiever or Needy Pants. Where is Happiness found in Pain, Silence in Chaos, Content with Want. How are you suppose to know your limit. How will you know what awaits you in the future. How can you sit still in anticipation. You there, you can't even stare at a point. The mind is finally experiencing the stepping stones in the pond. The only thing the main character doesn't know is that this pond is a lake and the only thing the author doesn't know yet is that this lake could be an ocean. But silly me, that's thinking too far in the future, bring back your mind here kind Sir. Your pure feet are so close to touching the water I'm yelling at the screen. We don't want you to stop and to scurry away, we want you to take risks. To reach your highest potential, to give your gift to the world that welcomed you in it. What a silly thing to go back where you came from, what ever safe place that might have been. The water is calling your name and you don't care how it knows you. You just have this daze on those eyes that were always hazy anyways. The only difference is that inside your body somewhere, you tell us of this fire. One that wants to become enriched, this soul that wants to feel more than alive, and breath in love so much you won't have anything else to exhale but love in return. Now I've painted a feeling engrained in your brain, a vision of water as vast as can be, a joy you won't stop until it's in your bones that you know what your aim is for. We've set the bar, we've whispered these instincts, all you have to do is follow yourself.
21.7.10
Poem-ercising
You keep showing up in this familiar place
In new corners, among different heights
Are you afraid to go into the world like me?
My remembrance of your wingspan fade out
Well until you decide to cross my path once again
Like a memory my grasp can't release
A soul I couldn't bare to let go
I still keep you around
Wondering if you are doing any harm
We've gotten into rivalry before
Quite frankly you freak me out sometimes
And I cause you to be frantic in your little world
I've tried ridding of you but never succeeding
Perhaps I am waiting to watch you turn into a butterfly
Reaching your impossible inner potential
Dear moth, won't you transform?
In new corners, among different heights
Are you afraid to go into the world like me?
My remembrance of your wingspan fade out
Well until you decide to cross my path once again
Like a memory my grasp can't release
A soul I couldn't bare to let go
I still keep you around
Wondering if you are doing any harm
We've gotten into rivalry before
Quite frankly you freak me out sometimes
And I cause you to be frantic in your little world
I've tried ridding of you but never succeeding
Perhaps I am waiting to watch you turn into a butterfly
Reaching your impossible inner potential
Dear moth, won't you transform?
9.7.10
5.7.10
Processes
I've been thinking of the processes I've gone through to come where I am today, mentally and intellectually. How each experience teaches me a lesson whether I remember and reflect upon it moments later or even years afterwards. How friendships have developed over time, what makes people compatible, and how you know you like/dislike another person. Since this blog is basically designed for the four of you I want to tell you about the one person that has changed much of my life. The things is, she isn't even a person I look up to, she is one who I highly have low respect for.
We started out as friends and turn into really good friends to a certain point. She kept me laughing until I peed my pants and made me nothing but social. She shared the interest of the same sport as I did and she was such a natural it made life seem unfair. She was sort of like those geniuses that barely do the homework but ace the tests, see what I mean now? Anyways, a year later she got involved with one of my best friends then a truth that was used as gossip got twisted into being believed as a lie, dramatic people were involved and I felt shunned from this group of people I was 'friends' with. That was a hard year, to feel such change above other things and to be exposed to that amount of distrust, but that is the time I'm most thankful for because it directed me to the way of life I'm more fitted for. I don't like to think of how my life would be if I kept being friends with that group because it seems unimaginable and empty.
I kept this story pretty vague because when I want to go into detail I either looked down upon them or felt like I'm judging them and I would not want to do either. I just remember the two main things I learned and shall tell them through quotes.
'You have enemies? Good. That means you've stood up for something, sometime in your life.'
'Hard work beats talent when talent doesn't work hard.'
So if you'd like, share a story on your blog that has geared you to becoming you.
We started out as friends and turn into really good friends to a certain point. She kept me laughing until I peed my pants and made me nothing but social. She shared the interest of the same sport as I did and she was such a natural it made life seem unfair. She was sort of like those geniuses that barely do the homework but ace the tests, see what I mean now? Anyways, a year later she got involved with one of my best friends then a truth that was used as gossip got twisted into being believed as a lie, dramatic people were involved and I felt shunned from this group of people I was 'friends' with. That was a hard year, to feel such change above other things and to be exposed to that amount of distrust, but that is the time I'm most thankful for because it directed me to the way of life I'm more fitted for. I don't like to think of how my life would be if I kept being friends with that group because it seems unimaginable and empty.
I kept this story pretty vague because when I want to go into detail I either looked down upon them or felt like I'm judging them and I would not want to do either. I just remember the two main things I learned and shall tell them through quotes.
'You have enemies? Good. That means you've stood up for something, sometime in your life.'
'Hard work beats talent when talent doesn't work hard.'
So if you'd like, share a story on your blog that has geared you to becoming you.
Solitude
Not many understand its power
If one is lucky they know other spirits who know
If one is luckier they themselves have felt it and can feel it again and again
It is nature's high
A miniscule revelation of enlightenment
Thoughts escape, words are nonexistent
The world overflows one's soul with romanticism
It is the universe's secret
The complex translates as simple and the simple turns into extraordinary
Questions align in their perfection
One becomes formless, forgetting about the beginning, the end, and tomorrow
All is still
All is how it is suppose to be for a moment
If one is lucky they know other spirits who know
If one is luckier they themselves have felt it and can feel it again and again
It is nature's high
A miniscule revelation of enlightenment
Thoughts escape, words are nonexistent
The world overflows one's soul with romanticism
It is the universe's secret
The complex translates as simple and the simple turns into extraordinary
Questions align in their perfection
One becomes formless, forgetting about the beginning, the end, and tomorrow
All is still
All is how it is suppose to be for a moment
1.7.10
Mom has never said it better:
RESTLESSNESS.
Last night I actually acknowledged that I've been living by myself for a month and it weirded me out. Only I have been entertaining myself and for a brief day it became tiresome. I mean, I left at 10 in the morning yesterday in search of Christmas lights and ended up on an hour and a half drive out east of curiosity. I read short snib bits from different books leaving all of them open. The other day I spent well over an hour in Anthropologie wondering what to buy with my gift card. I sent out a letter to ten people describing the sky. I emailed a past infatuation. I've been creating guidelines for life. I pretended cacti and trees were derived from souls. I've been planning projects. And now I'm trying to solve the Rubik's cube.
ATTEMPT-TATION.
Last night I actually acknowledged that I've been living by myself for a month and it weirded me out. Only I have been entertaining myself and for a brief day it became tiresome. I mean, I left at 10 in the morning yesterday in search of Christmas lights and ended up on an hour and a half drive out east of curiosity. I read short snib bits from different books leaving all of them open. The other day I spent well over an hour in Anthropologie wondering what to buy with my gift card. I sent out a letter to ten people describing the sky. I emailed a past infatuation. I've been creating guidelines for life. I pretended cacti and trees were derived from souls. I've been planning projects. And now I'm trying to solve the Rubik's cube.
ATTEMPT-TATION.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
