A fear of not being successful.
Does life seem like it should have an end of success or not?
Is there an end goal or a processed means
I'd say I live within subtle success
A flowing pool of correct direction
Because if you say your fear is not succeeding
If you don't reach this ideal of success
Is your life not seen as a failure?
How irrelevant it seems for a lifetime to have a mark of pass or fail
You are not quite refined and you will never be
But slowly and surely you move towards that mold

And to be simply put, I like people who are moving as well
The static kind stay in their spot
Barely unchanging
Has their idea of progression fallen at lost?

Has mine yet, will it ever?
Because once you're figured out we can only look backwards into you

A Mental Push

You are a fascinating specimen
But maybe it's because you are new
New to my world and I am new to yours
For now it's only a countdown
A ticking until I find you less interesting
Unless you beat me to it

This is what some fear isn't it?
To rid of all mystery and find an empty circle
Look around though
The walls of the empty circular room
Closer, come here
Don't stop at the limits of your brain
Stretch and pull those questions out from the air
They're waiting to be put to good use
To think you're done getting to know someone is like thinking you've learned everything
Impossible
Release from those restrictions
Go figure out things, willingly as you can be
Find use to benefit from it
And we will tip our hat off to you

Just for the Moment

Only in that freeze of time does the world turn into one
We all feel the same for each other
For this subject the souls forge their energy towards
Every hand is mentally clenched together with understanding
That yes, we do know where you are coming from
Every atom is familiar with this kind of tragedy deep in their molecules
Those haunting bells that give tribute even sympathize







But then time passes on as we must do
And that moment left us with a feathered feeling
The connection we grasped left as if it didn't need us anymore
And we let go as well

What modern art means is that you have to keep finding new ways to express yourself, to express the problems, that there are no settled ways, no fixed approach. This is a painful situation, and modern art is about this painful situation of having no absolutely definite way of expressing yourself. This is why modern art will continue, because this condition remains; it is the modern human condition. (…) [Modern art] is about the hurt of not being able to express yourself properly, to express your intimate relations, your unconscious, to trust the world enough to express yourself directly in it. It is about trying to be sane in this situation, of being tentatively and temporarily sane by expressing yourself.

-Louise Bourgeois

In the middle of spring—a kind of threshold—one realizes that one cannot take the world into one’s lap and hold it, while this is perhaps our desire when we are our most tender and best selves. The oxygens are important, but the oxygens are also small parts of the whole universe. I mean the seen and the unseen, the preferences of horses—the shade or sun as well as their standing as they do wrapped in the mathematical shape of this could go on forever without you—and also the world that resists ingestion,speculum, observation. This is the bird-like nature of the world. A landscape is simple, but you approach it and it is coy. And even as your best self, you are energized by the world’s destruction, wishing it could happen more swiftly, brutally, and observably than its imperceptible sloughing of fine dust and small children. If you are one who has exchanged personal comfort for the deep exquisite that eddies in the unknown, you are heroic. You are extraordinary. You must participate in the inevitable corruption of the material world and also to love it recklessly.


J'Lyn Chapman

Stranger 3

We did a dance together
But you didn't know
You led, I followed
This time I was determined to talk to you
Well. Like every other time.
It was a simple scenario
You had a world that I had no idea about
I was eager with questions
You go North, so I sway from South towards you
Determined
Then you wonder about
Must you do that?
I continue northwards but don't see you past the trees
Looking around, I see you going South up the stairs
OH NO, I mentally exclaimed
Zig and zag, what a fool I seemed
I try to skip the crying steps seeing yet another chance leaving my grasp
Another week gone gone gone
I shall wait for the next
But oh how my heart lowers a level of fragility
To think I have to wait to get to know you

I've highlighted SO many good phrases in all of my readings so far this semester, it's overwhelming to think of how many I want to share with you all.

"The only reason for bringing together works of art in a public place is that . . . they produce in us a kind of exalted happiness. For a moment there is a clearing in the jungle; we pass on refreshed with our capacity for life increased and with some memory of the sky."

"To me the museum embodies the "official story" of a particular time for a particular group of people. It is a time capsule. So I think once a museum is opened, it should remain unchanged as a window into the obsessions and prejudices of a period . . .If someone wantes to update a museum, they should build a new one. An entire city of museums would be nice, each stuck in its own time."

"Gazing at art removed one from the 'vulgar flux of life' and produced an effect that was comparable to, but better than, religious ecstasy"

"Solitude, the silence, the speaking looks. here is the mind's true home. The contemplation of truth and beauty is the proper object for which we were created, which calls forth the most intense desires of the soul, and of which it never tires."

Via Museum Studies

Like attracts Like

I suppose our paths were subject to collide one time or another
Neither of us wore an immediate smile on our face
Instead there was some mask covering reality

The usual with us
I failed to remember you live in this actual world
My only reliance has been faded memories and made up ones
The feelings we easily diguised the whole time
I find no consistency in you
Only that commitment isn't in your vocabulary
You rant about something
I nod and react but really I'm wondering what you're thinking
The thought that isn't a form
The thoughts you never knew how to put in words

Next

I'm sorry it didn't work dear little one
I tried to water you as often as necessary

Maybe more out of hope

I talked to each of your petals as delicately as I could

Sending a message deep in your soul
I wanted you to want
But I know things can't be forced
Oh how much I wanted you to grow tall
For you to bloom
For you to change
For you to realize
I wanted to take your leaves and dance with you
Sway me in natural rhythms
I only wanted to hold your hand

Maybe we would have understood each other better

Things are alright

It will be okay
I will find another plant to nourish
I'm sorry for wasted time

Maybe the next one will have more try

Maybe I'll learn more by then

Stranger 2

The first day, I scan the room
Am I a spy? I'd like to think so.
So many faces that are unamused
Blank Blank Blank
There you are!
Except I had no concept of 'you' prior to this moment
I glance your way hoping your eyesight is as bad as the one I'm using
Because if we were to exchange looks I wouldn't be able to tell
And considering the number of times I've looked at you, I hope you wouldn't be able to tell.
The second day, I scan the room from a different view
You are almost opposite of me
Staring could be a problem
You remind me of a past person
My hope is that you would be better
But then again, you're just another stranger

Stranger 1

My being decides to sit next to you
Mind is still catching its breath and settling in
Settled
A mirror stands between us
I see your aluminum bottle, reflecting mine
Your self-printed notes highlighted just as mine
A pen in hand and a thick highlighter on the sideline such like mine
Hmph, I should say something
Tension builds
Nothing
Such a fool I am
For some reason I build an internal connection with your soul
As if I knew
How silly of me
But I wonder whether you wonder the same.

As if I wasn't excited before

Galavanting on campus in an imaginary cape and crown again


A purpose served after a purpose
As I walk just for a walk
The idea of drawing buildings intrigued me once more
My eyes look for material for I do not want to draw on line paper
There! A pile of cardboard boxes waiting to be recycled
Come here you, I'll rip off an appendage
Ready.
Now what view would you like to gaze at for awhile?
Here? No.
Over there? No.
Ooh a guy on a bench accompanied by a bike, shall I converse? No, let's draw.
Old Main: the first building here. Yes.
Angle from the front? No, too typical.
From the side? Oh my. Yes.
Hello curb. And walker by-ers and passing bicyclists. Buh bye.
The lines and edges of the scene are mighty beautiful.
So is the depth and space
I can feel nonchalant observers against my back
Beads of sweat make their debut, but we welcome you.
It's fine.
All I care about are lines and edges.
'Yay another addition to my inspiration wall' I thought
'Wait, well why don't you share this with someone' my pen tells me
Date it, time it, write a question on it and set it on the curb where I sat.
Let's go read my novel now.
Then let's balance it on my head on the way back to the car.
Silly Genius. Okay let's.

Likeable

Just thought of a question and wanted to share.


What are some things you enjoy now that you didn't [or as much like] a year ago?
1. Picking up nature, ie. leaves, branches, flowers
2. Giving out flowers to strangers
3. Walks
4. Poetry, philosophy, and fibers
5. Forming dreams
6. Asking questions
7. The idea of being shameless
8. Cameras [more so]
9. Hugs with a lot of lovin'
10. Finding ways to be creative in everyday life instead of just for school projects
11. Religion
12. Not having a Facebook
13. Artists' blogs [I'd consider you guys in that category along with fine artists]
14. My parents
15. Letters in my mailbox
16. Child drawing
17. Letting go
18. Downloading
19. Buying books
20. Happiness in the Now

Let's Play Catch Up

When was the last time you noticed the sound of your own breathing?


It happens quite often when I'm on my own. I think I did it earlier today when I was trying to calm down mentally and letting bad energy out [which hasn't really visited me much booyah]. I take the time to inhale deeply and the same with exhaling, in still moments, in segments of solely sitting and clearing files in my brain. Every time I undergo this, I think of this quote that relates to listening to your breath instead of going against it or forcing its length.




Have you ever seen insanity where you later saw creativity?


Well I'll tell you what came to mind: art as therapy. I feel like painting was pretty popular to deal with coping in boggling situations. For example, The Scream.

In an old art history class, the instructor [and the distortion of my memory] recalls that the artist was hallucinating or hearing things. Or he experienced an unbearable anxiety.
So I went off subject, but I wanted to make the point of instead seeing creativity in insanity or in ruined things. All seems intertwined. Insanity provokes so many emotions.




Has your greatest fear ever come true?


Well, first I had to label my fears. I really couldn't pinpoint anything, but as of lately I talk about becoming monotonous or a robot. I suppose my fear would to give up on creating my imagination and developing my curiosity with a passion in me to learn and be enthusiastic. It's all definitely a habit that still needs to be practiced to become second nature, but it's a work in progress. My fear would to find no purpose and though I've stumbled upon it, it hasn't succeeded me, I don't think it ever will. Because for my mind to stop would be like the earth not rotating.

Write your epitaph - the sentence you would want to appear on your grave.


I'm still around.


It's funny, I would want something blunt yet poetic, there's the gemini in me.

Faith in the Invisible

What do you feel is your greatest skill? 


Deciding. Laugh all you want because I'm very indecisive and toddle between slight adjusted ideas, but I'm talking about my Genius' deciding. I believe I have good impulses, it's a matter or whether I follow them or not. Starting this year, it is becoming clearer to me to let certain voices inside my head guide me instead of falling fearful of them because of insecurity and worrying about the outcome. There are distinct voices in one's mind to let this creative Genius live its glory but it's smogged among overlapping voices of Pressure, Society, and sometimes overly-sensitive Emotions. So maybe it isn't technically my greatest skill per se, but its waiting to happen and ready to let its light shine through.

Lone Traveler

If all of your debt was forgiven tomorrow, and you had a completely clean slate, what is the very FIRST thing you would change about your life?


This was indeed difficult to answer. I had to think of different scenarios and many side questions. When I interpret clean slate, part of me defines it as no attachments. So since I feel pretty emotionally stable with no strong attachments to one thing or another and if I had the ability to basically do anything I want, I would decide to drop everything, pack a backpack, and start traveling by foot. The rush of letting everything go because I feel I'm at a good spot is nothing but alluring. I can't imagine feeling the bad side of solitude because my mind can keep itself in good enough company, being awed by everything. The only negative thing would be elements of danger. Not being in contact wouldn't phase me like it use to. Making mistakes would be inevitable. Learning how to cope would strengthen my common sense. I just imagine the world revealing it's simple secrets to me.

Shameless Courageous

What is something you have never tried but would like to?


To approach a stranger and have an insightful conversation with them. It's only happened in my mind because at times I pretend everyone in the world are friends and are good. So conversations and laughs would be able to happen anywhere, anytime.

--Just saw Casey's and it looks like I copied. Phooey. Well another is to do some free-spirited act on campus. Modeling after Brittany's pipe cleaner hearts.

Dancing with Myself.

What’s something you know you do differently than most people?


I think I take the subject of self-improvement/reflection very close to heart. Often, especially when I'm puzzled about life, I physically write down or mentally take a journey through my life to see how I've changed and grown. Daily routines, friendships, attempted relationships, mentality, etcetera. I remember how I was before 'this' thing happened and what qualities altered after. This is probably why I've always liked talking about myself because I then form phrases from all of the floating feelings I couldn't find words for. I know it can come off as selfish, but to me it simply is a discussion of what my soul and body is doing. Somehow it seems separate to whatever 'me' is. Also, I write down qualities I admire and make comparisons with how other people go about life. I try to figure out what caused me to evolve over time and what phase I was going through. I'm a constant phase-r, saying in my mind I'm trying to do 'this' because of 'this' and trying to sound like 'this'. This leads to a lot of mental contradictions and arguments, thus me saying 'i don't think that even made sense.' I also wish people could just tell you how to be better as a whole, but society isn't really like that. No doubt, there's a load of people thinking of self-improvement. It's just rarely talk amongst usual conversation and evaluation isn't as mapped out I suppose. But who knows.

Quest[ion]

What is your fondest childhood memory? Who was there? What was going on?

I've been knee deep in watercolors and memories this weekend. I remind myself of this night because it's the thing that sticks out where my mom did something out of the ordinary for my sister and I when I was maybe in 1st grade or somewhere close to that age. It was the simplest gesture and I never knew why she did it because I didn't have a bad day or anything I can recall like that. I was already asleep and she came to wake me up and we sat at the high counter. And I remember my favorite plastic angled light green bowl. Canned peaches is a comfort food now, it was eaten a good amount of times in Italy to be honest.

Question

How do you really feel about what you are doing right now at this exact moment? 


My mind has been in a zone, in and out, to set myself up for success. My ambitious seed inside of me is starting to grow. It's wanting to wrap around anything that's not being used and place it with purpose. This morning, I decided I want to set the foundation of my room to be a place of inspiration, always moving me to want to do/think things. I'm figuring out how I want to organize my belongings so I have a balance of mess and clarity. The idea of fall semester is continuously maximizing and it makes me want to over-prepare. I'm forming a mental path on how I can approach my physical world dream and short term goals. I go to sleep early in order to wake up early, and read a fair amount daily to get in the habit for my textbooks which have already been ordered. Two days ago I started The Alchemist and I have a yearning to finish today. I realized I was wanting to read a book with a story rather than snib bits of philosophy books. My mind needed the flow. This soul of mine has been feeding off of discoveries, good energy that's being carried over from Italy, and free spirited subtleness. The negative/doubtful/hesitant vibe that I felt strongly throughout the spring and beginning of summer is finding its silence and now everything beautiful I've ever experienced is finding its way within my days. I'm finding such a variety of things I can do and places to go when I need to quiet my mind.

My March

My eagerness to be outside wrapped me up while I finished another session of listening to recordings. I kept referring to the only window that my back was lucky enough to admire while my eyes glaze over at the computer screen or my pencil drawing. I reached my numbers for the day and hoped for a walk back to my car full of kisses from the sky. As reliable as can be, it was sprinkling when I entered the outside world. My legs were walking utterly content, but my ears felt an eery quietness. The clouds grayed out the scenery and I couldn't resist but to pick another youthful flower from the campus. It spins among my fingers as I gaze lovingly at its being and I place it behind my ear. I smile as I can feel every drop attach to me like a magnet, supplying my soul with twirls. I give the sky a look as it was looking down at me, and swung my water bottle as if it were a hand I was joyously holding. My feet balanced on cement curbs and hopped when I transitioned from the street to the sidewalk. I found the perfect stick to act as a staff as I conduct my march. A melody developed as it was hummed and an imaginary crowd of followers weren't far behind. My track stops again when a branch of interesting pods lay beside where my steps were, so picked them up I did. Then my sight goes straight ahead where a driver is sitting. I stall a second to wait for him to carry on with what direction he decides to go but he stays idle. I proceed for I have to cross his street which is perpendicular to mine. He opens his door almost insecurely asking if I need a ride and the only way my mind could think of responding was to blatantly say shortly..'No.' For a walk in a light rain is the idealized journey for me. And for this here stranger I do not know and sadly cannot trust within him to be a kind citizen. I just endured an entire semester's worth of firmly declining such approaches and making it my duty to walk with such purpose. For you kind citizen, I stopped in my path trying to cross the street before I could reach you but trees blocked my view to the left and a pile of monstrous ants to my mid-left. So I carry on in your direction quickly and make sure you are on your way once our air is filtered through each others, for I must continue this march that has become of my worth. I have my humdrum melody, my stick to conduct, my branch for enthusiasm, and my water bottle as a warm hand of encouragement. The only thing missing was my initiating flower who listened closely by my ear, but I suspect it had better obligations to fulfill. Now I continue to my dependable friend as more of my upper body flails left and right to my humdrum. I am king.

Just felt like ranting/creating a story

I know, I talk too much about my life I feel narcissistic. But what is one to do when they want to take on too much? When now, Time is the known enemy, the guy we'd all love to hate. But sincerely Time, I do love you. You just haven't gotten to know All At The Same Time at a level you both would appreciate.


Where does Passion collide with Something to Prove, or Ego or Overachiever or Needy Pants. Where is Happiness found in Pain, Silence in Chaos, Content with Want. How are you suppose to know your limit. How will you know what awaits you in the future. How can you sit still in anticipation. You there, you can't even stare at a point. The mind is finally experiencing the stepping stones in the pond. The only thing the main character doesn't know is that this pond is a lake and the only thing the author doesn't know yet is that this lake could be an ocean. But silly me, that's thinking too far in the future, bring back your mind here kind Sir. Your pure feet are so close to touching the water I'm yelling at the screen. We don't want you to stop and to scurry away, we want you to take risks. To reach your highest potential, to give your gift to the world that welcomed you in it. What a silly thing to go back where you came from, what ever safe place that might have been. The water is calling your name and you don't care how it knows you. You just have this daze on those eyes that were always hazy anyways. The only difference is that inside your body somewhere, you tell us of this fire. One that wants to become enriched, this soul that wants to feel more than alive, and breath in love so much you won't have anything else to exhale but love in return. Now I've painted a feeling engrained in your brain, a vision of water as vast as can be, a joy you won't stop until it's in your bones that you know what your aim is for. We've set the bar, we've whispered these instincts, all you have to do is follow yourself.

Poem-ercising

You keep showing up in this familiar place
In new corners, among different heights
Are you afraid to go into the world like me?
My remembrance of your wingspan fade out
Well until you decide to cross my path once again


Like a memory my grasp can't release
A soul I couldn't bare to let go
I still keep you around
Wondering if you are doing any harm


We've gotten into rivalry before
Quite frankly you freak me out sometimes
And I cause you to be frantic in your little world


I've tried ridding of you but never succeeding 
Perhaps I am waiting to watch you turn into a butterfly
Reaching your impossible inner potential
Dear moth, won't you transform?

Processes

I've been thinking of the processes I've gone through to come where I am today, mentally and intellectually. How each experience teaches me a lesson whether I remember and reflect upon it moments later or even years afterwards. How friendships have developed over time, what makes people compatible, and how you know you like/dislike another person. Since this blog is basically designed for the four of you I want to tell you about the one person that has changed much of my life. The things is, she isn't even a person I look up to, she is one who I highly have low respect for.


We started out as friends and turn into really good friends to a certain point. She kept me laughing until I peed my pants and made me nothing but social. She shared the interest of the same sport as I did and she was such a natural it made life seem unfair. She was sort of like those geniuses that barely do the homework but ace the tests, see what I mean now? Anyways, a year later she got involved with one of my best friends then a truth that was used as gossip got twisted into being believed as a lie, dramatic people were involved and I felt shunned from this group of people I was 'friends' with. That was a hard year, to feel such change above other things and to be exposed to that amount of distrust, but that is the time I'm most thankful for because it directed me to the way of life I'm more fitted for. I don't like to think of how my life would be if I kept being friends with that group because it seems unimaginable and empty.


I kept this story pretty vague because when I want to go into detail I either looked down upon them or felt like I'm judging them and I would not want to do either. I just remember the two main things I learned and shall tell them through quotes.
'You have enemies? Good. That means you've stood up for something, sometime in your life.'
'Hard work beats talent when talent doesn't work hard.'


So if you'd like, share a story on your blog that has geared you to becoming you.

Solitude

Not many understand its power
If one is lucky they know other spirits who know
If one is luckier they themselves have felt it and can feel it again and again
It is nature's high


A miniscule revelation of enlightenment
Thoughts escape, words are nonexistent
The world overflows one's soul with romanticism
It is the universe's secret


The complex translates as simple and the simple turns into extraordinary
Questions align in their perfection
One becomes formless, forgetting about the beginning, the end, and tomorrow 
All is still
All is how it is suppose to be for a moment

Mom has never said it better:

RESTLESSNESS.


Last night I actually acknowledged that I've been living by myself for a month and it weirded me out. Only I have been entertaining myself and for a brief day it became tiresome. I mean, I left at 10 in the morning yesterday in search of Christmas lights and ended up on an hour and a half drive out east of curiosity. I read short snib bits from different books leaving all of them open. The other day I spent well over an hour in Anthropologie wondering what to buy with my gift card. I sent out a letter to ten people describing the sky. I emailed a past infatuation. I've been creating guidelines for life. I pretended cacti and trees were derived from souls. I've been planning projects. And now I'm trying to solve the Rubik's cube.


ATTEMPT-TATION.

.

I watch you

Your bright colors are so well known

The lines that create your figure are common ones

But I see you

The boards on the floor are lifting

The walls aren't as smooth as they first appear

The stains in the carpet are becoming noticeable

The closed doors are shedding light

The cracks are coming out of hibernation

Your fragile structure can't hold your capacity any longer

It can't resist your fate for freedom

Bars won't hold in your spirit no more

You are becoming imperfect because now you are feeling.

Living Out Loud.

You Vant to Know a Secrettt. Vell I Vill Tell Youz.

I just had a 17 minute conversation with my sister and a successful one at that. She left me a voicemail earlier to wish me a happy birthday and how mentally easy it would have been to send her a text message back-I even planned what I would have said 'Thank you, happy unbirthday to you. Enjoy this day.' Because I haven't had a conversation with her since.........winter break. Well hi 6 months later. How natural it is to not talk because that way we stay safe, that way I feel safe. We never discuss and she hates my rambling. I think I'm taking after my dad with rambling but saying at least one things that moves you. And ladies and gentlemen this is my GOAL IN LIFE [I actually wrote it down today to confirm it and here I am to share it with you people because I think you are overly worthy].

'My dream is to learn how to influence people, how to move them, whether it be through my art, my stillness, or my words. How to have an effect on people. My dream is to invest in you and to fall for one another. To make our souls compatible.'

It will take time and it will be a task, but that's why it's most valuable. I also have to remind myself a lot because often I forget even if I have a purpose.

So why not start with grabbing the reigns of the strongest reindeer? We talked among our current events and I dipped right in with my philosophy referencing and having a creative outlet to feel fulfilled. Good thing I have been practicing for such a casual speech. And you know what? I got her excited for something, I'm going to start sending her mail art. I committed to doing it consistently and said she can too if she has time. I'm back at this route of attempting to give endlessly and not wrap my head around receiving. That's up to the other side. I'm trying to shake up her definition of happiness. You can be happy right here in the Present rather then making yourself look forward to happiness while being unhappy along the way, because when you think you reached the thing that is 'suppose' to make you happy it won't give you this feeling. You've carried this unhappy baggage too long to make an automatic switch into bliss. No physical thing can, it comes from within you. That's my way of thinking anyhow, share with me what thoughts have arose in your mind while reading this. Related, slightly related, whichever.

2 decades

20 years I have been alive, well in this lifetime at least.

I suppose this is the time to ponder and pull words from above.

My first thought is that I think I like life. Life and I are one. I haven't grown to love it unconditionally quite yet but it's okay because I'm building a relationship with it/within myself. I cannot naturally burst 'I love life', that would be like a girl mixing up a crush with a full on in-love situation [been there done that]. I'm spending time with it, getting a feel, evolving an infatuation towards the truest of true. I'm learning how to settle in my armchair to know the structure, the layers, the foundation; and once I do I will soon learn how to balance on it in ways that will amaze you.

Some are already in love [or maybe they only think so], they are already feeling the joy. They are my references not my competition. How did they get to the level of Being so quickly, how have their neurons experience so much in so little time? I am a turtle, an elephant, a bird. Taking time, dipping my toes, following a herd from time to time, wandering aimlessly. But now, NOW I am gaining. I'm traveling with the wind.

I've found some stones you see. By the sea, in the woods, among the desert, even from foreign lands. I have them in my bare hands, trying to build this foundation of mine. Slow and thoughtful I'd say I am and all I can be is sure as can be. It's a difficult task can't you see? Because while I'm laboring I stare in awe of the sky, it's eternity. Once it's beauty subsides in me for a short while, I noticed you've built your fort, your roof over your head. How did you-? What the-? I can't duplicate yours because why would I want to? I need to make mine for me, because in the long run I want this 'home' to be of my work, of my knowledge that I've built upon all on my own. It's curves and edges I've created. So you go on, dance and sing. I'll admire you from here, trying to feel your light, but listen to my rhythm and watch my movements. Because one day I'll join you and we'll all be great twirls under the same constellation.

Like Whoa

Draw the art you want to see, make the music you want to hear, write the books you want to read.

-Austin Kleon

I found this quote on a blog I recently discovered: http://www.pearshapes.blogspot.com/

She is an art student among the jungle of New York and she made me realize that even though it's good I'm drawing and creating consistently these days, they should start having deeper meaning and purpose.

Just. Like. Me.

Holla

Dizziness in Freedom

"Freedom, however, is not the last word. Freedom is only part of the story and half of the truth. Freedom is but the negative aspect of the whole phenomenon whose positive aspect is responsibleness. In fact, freedom is in danger of degenerating into mere arbitrariness unless it is lived in terms of responsibleness."

This is what I have. Total freedom, but no responsibilities. How does it feel you ask? It frankly sucks. This corresponds to "He who has a why to live can bear almost any how." It's been difficult to gain purpose since I've been back and somewhere this is why I have no interest in chatting, texting, and talking on the phone for the most part. Chatter now just has the appearance of words rumbling out of an ego. The only words that have really interested me are those of poetry or philosophy. Sure reading is purposeful for my knowledge, but I want to do something. I've never said 'I don't know what to do with my life anymore' as much as I do now. Things seem pointless in retrospective, sure they can excite you but only for a moment only temporarily. 'Isn't that the worth of living though?', my response would be when I was more lively. The point now is how does one go about finding meaning and purpose. How do you get motivation knocked back into you. What is YOUR reason for being here, what are you meant to do? What are you going to do to make your name known by others and how are you going to go about that? A life unnoticed indeed seems like a waste, though somewhere inside of me still can't understand comprehend that concept. It'll be the day when my heart and my mind are aligned with one other.

Never like today

Leeks and bacon [sOOOO good]

Smoothies to be frozen so I can treat them as ice cream

Fudge babies that look like turds

Homemade hummus

Attempted tapenade

:)